Idols in My Life

Lately, I have been listening to the Lord more and listening to my heart less.

Letting the Lord have full control of me and my life rather than trying to take the reins in my own hands and do my own thing has been freeing - to say the least.

Certain things in my life have caused me to feel jealous, ridiculed, anxious, worn out, sad, frustrated, pitiful, worried.... shall I go on?  I have allowed these things to creep into my heart, bury their sickening selves into my soul and make my heart bitter - bitter toward those I love dearly.  And worse of all, it has made me miserable.  Hopeless.  Pathetic, really.

I thought I was the upright Christian woman I've always dreamed I'd be... I thought I could handle this, or that, and still be in His will.  I thought nothing was too hard for me.

Silly, stupid me.  I had let the things of this world infiltrate my heart and mind, and although I had not sinned blatantly, I had slowly quit reading His Word, slowly let my day-to-day chores have top priority, slowly let what people said to me (or even what people did not say) get to me personally and offend me deeply; and that, is sinful.

Why the Lord does not shake some sense into me when I am being foolish is beyond me.  Instead, He patiently waits for our world to fall apart in His hands so He can pick up the pieces.

Don't get me wrong - I did read the Bible.  I did pray.  But even then, I didn't think I had time for it.  I would read a verse or two, sometimes a whole chapter (wow!), but I felt disconnected from my Father in heaven.  Was I depressed?  Of course I was.  Who wouldn't be?

But worse of all (in my humble opinion) was the way I let the things that I dreamed of, the things that I deeply longed for - get in the way of the here and now.  I reminded myself (and the Lord - as if He needs reminding!) that the desires of the heart are placed there by God Himself, and not necessarily bad.  I would curl up on the couch and just weep sorely for the things I could not have... the things the Lord had not blessed me with.  I would see someone's picture, or hear someone's news and fall to pieces.  I threw fits.  Why her?  Why not me?  Haven't I been Your servant?  Haven't I kept the faith? Aren't I healthy enough?  What else can I do?  What have I done that I am being punished? 

It was about this time that the Lord began speaking to me through various means.  I began listening to the truth of His Word being spoken without filters.  God's ways were not of misery but of pure joy!  Why was I not full of joy?  Was it possible that I was bringing this upon myself simply by not communing with my Lord?  Not only that, but isn't there a reason that God is God and not me?  All at once it seemed to hit me: aren't His ways higher than mine?  Isn't His timing perfection?  Doesn't He know what I want?  Doesn't He know what I need?  It's not like I had never witnessed His amazing ways in my life before. 

The words of my favorite poem came to me, "I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.  You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.  You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.  You'd not know the power that I give to the faint...."

But...what about those things that I desperately yearned for? -That not a day went by that I did not think of them?  What about what she said?  What about what she didn't do?  I couldn't just suddenly forget it all and live in the joy of the Lord overnight. 

No, but with His help, I could overcome my feelings and continually turn them over to Him.  Keep every thought captive.  Turn my attention from the drama of this life and look fully to Him for my every need.  Enjoy my surroundings.  The blessings He'd already given me.  Cut the reins I kept wanting to hold onto.  Give it up.  LET GO and LET GOD.

We are told that "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked..."*  Oh, how true.  How incredibly true.  

But it doesn't have to stay that way.  God can make us into something beautiful and exquisite.  If we would just let Him.

*Jeremiah 17:9

Why Do I Care?

That's me.  The woman you see in the left-hand corner.  She looks very confident and sure of herself.  I mean, just a few years ago she never would have made such a face, much less shared it on social media with her friends and family.

But that's just what she did.

One day, she feels comfortable enough in her own skin to do things like that.  The next day may be completely different; she may even hate herself because she ate one piece of junk food.  She steps on the scale and lets the number determine her outlook on life.  She may start worrying about what so-and-so must have thought about her when she laughed at an awkward moment or said something stupid.  She wonders how she can be so old yet feel so little.

And then, she really starts to feel miserable.

She forgets - too easily - who she is.  Not who she is all on her own, but who she is with the God who took her and made her a new creation in Him.  She forgets what He has done for her, and why these things are so trivial in the end.

Because, it's not who we are today as much as it is who we are tomorrow.  How I 'feel' should never determine how I live my life.  Feelings are never stable.  They don't last forever.  They can easily be swayed.

The Bible says, "It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." (Psalm 118:8)  It is better to fully trust in the Lord for everything we may need or desire, than to have that trust in man who will sway with the wind.

My heart should be completely engrossed in the living God that I don't care too much about what I am wearing or how I talk, or what I eat and how I eat, or if I offend anybody.  (That is not to say that we shouldn't care at all, as Paul was saying in Romans 14:21.)

But we should be confident enough in the Lord that the worry and the wondering shouldn't consume us.... which is why I sometimes break away from social media altogether, because I don't want to cave to wondering why so-and-so did not 'like' my comment or comment on my post.

But, there is also the flip side.  We are warned not to become over confident, either:

"Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall." (1 Corinthians 10:12)

In all reality, worrying so much about what others must think of me, is actually very selfish.  I should be caring for others with the energy I have exerted in worry and carefulness.  What about the widows and orphans God tells us to care about?  What about the person next door you have never talked to but see looking lonely?  What about the many who have not heard the Good News of our Lord and Savior?? -What about them?

Finally -

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Philippians 4:6)

The most commonly quoted version of the verse above uses the word "anxious" in place of "careful."  But I think the word "careful" is much more meaningful.  All we have to do is merely not care much about anything, but instead pray with thanksgiving - basically, leave it in His lap and forget about it.

So, as I sit here in my yoga pants and oversized t-shirt I'm going to finish reading God's love letter to me, dump my thoughts and cares completely on Him, knowing that my confidence is in Him no matter what I do or what I say, and ask Him to lead me in the way everlasting.

Rush, Rush, LIVE

Yesterday afternoon, my sweet guy called me and said he'd be home in 15 minutes.  I was so excited that, for once, he'd be off of work at a decent hour instead of working late like he's used to.

But as soon as we hung up, I looked at the big pile of dishes I hadn't been able to finish and the fact that I had just gotten home only a few minutes ago from running around town in the rain with a 4 year old in tow.  (Did you know that buckling and unbuckling a car seat can add about 10 minutes to your shopping spree?)

Oh no, I thought, he's going to be home and I haven't finished everything yet!

The perfectionist in me reared it's ugly head and told me I should have done this -- I could have done that -- but I didn't.

Now, of course he can help me with housework (and he does!), but I like to do it myself and have it out of the way so that when he is home he can relax and we can enjoy his time off together- which is sort of limited anyway.

I looked down at my lunch - since that was overdue, too - and sighed.  I wanted him to come home, but if these things were undone now then they would be undone tomorrow, and then my perfect schedule would be all out of sync.

I spent the evening with a not-so-perfect attitude and begrudging the fact that our norm was thrown out of whack.  But when our "norm" has been eating supper without Daddy because he has to be out working late, I have pitied myself that we can't be a "normal" family where the Daddy gets home around 5p and we can all eat supper together as a family.

So... what gives?

My caring husband held me in his arms and asked what the matter was.  What was frustrating me?  How could he help?  And I told him that it was just one of those days where there is so much to do, yet so little time to do it.  Then, in an effort to help ease my troubled mind, the hard working, work-exhausted guy put aside everything else and helped me hand wash dishes.

The world would tell me just to put him to work - he can handle it.  Use him as another pair of hands to get the work done.  And besides, I've been busy, too.  Despite popular belief, housewives don't just twiddle their thumbs every day, all day.  It's not like I'm not exhausted either.

But I don't want to put him to work.  I don't want him to have extra 'chores' he has to do before he can actually relax for the evening before he has to get up the next morning and do it all over again.

When he pulls into our driveway in the evenings, I hope a sense of calm comes over him and he thinks of our home as a haven.  A haven from the non-stop busyness of the world.  A haven from the horrible traffic he sits in day in and day out, a haven from the noise, the pollution, the crazy.  Certainly not come home and find a wife who's frazzled just because he happened to get off early today.

Besides, work is work.  Housework never seems to get "done."  Dishes will still need to be washed.  Clothes will still need to be hung up.  Things will still need to be put away.  Sticky floors will still need to be mopped.  But we will grow old.  Our daughter will not be 4 years old forever.  Our family will probably change over time.  And that's both exciting and kind of scary.  Because that just means that our lives will just continue to get crazier, and more hectic, and busier.  But it will also mean that dreams are coming true.  That we will be living a lovely life - one filled with love, peace, joy and fulfillment.  One that we know is blessed of the Lord.

Of course, there is always time for work.  But I don't want it to become something that takes over our lives.  A tidy home is so much more enjoyable, I'll be the first to agree, but it doesn't have to dictate how we live.  I don't want to forget how to be spontaneous.  How to watch the sunset with my two loves while those dirty dishes continue to be dirty.  How to teach my girl to watch the birds build their nests while the table has so much stuff on it.  How to take a day trip to a new place while the laundry can't put itself away.

Because, I want to live life.

When the Valley is Rough

I know I am fearfully overdue for another blog update... and for that, I am so sorry.  Life has just been crazy, and the crazy never stops.  I'm sure many of you know how that is! ;-)

It's hard to keep looking up sometimes, when everything around you seems to be crumbling.  First my husband had some health scares last Summer, and when we thought all of it was behind us, things still keep happening and he is put on other medications to try and help it.  We have completely changed our lifestyle, our eating habits, and he has dropped nearly 40 pounds in 11 months.  (So glad about that!)  And everything is definitely not behind us, yet.  Symptoms progress, then go away, and still others newly develop.

It's aggravating, to say the least.  And on top of everything, I suddenly realized one day a few weeks ago that maybe all of this was my fault.

You see, about a year ago I got more serious about my health and wanted my husband to join me in my endeavor to better overall health and fitness.  He seemed to be gaining weight more and more, and although he was happy and healthy (on the outside), I knew that it was only a matter of time before he could have a serious health problem.  His eating habits were not the best, he didn't exercise hardly at all, and he would often only get about 4 hours of sleep each night.

It was then that I poured out my heart to the Lord, and asked Him to do something to get my guy's attention.  I honestly didn't know what I was asking.  And when everything hit the fan over the Summer, I still had no idea what I'd done.  It wasn't until just about a month ago that I remembered praying for God to somehow get his health on a better track.

(NOTE:  I do not always pray this way, and I don't advocate praying for something bad to happen to those you love in order for them to 'wake up', but sometimes, God can use the earnest prayers of His beloved children to do His will.)

           
                  Secondly, something that has strongly been on our hearts this past year (or more), is that we have not been able to have more children.  Years ago, when I was young and dreaming of one day becoming a wife and mother, it never crossed my mind that I might not be able to have children later on.  Yes, we have had one, so that means we aren't necessarily suffering with infertility, right?  Wrong.  I have learned that I must never assume that some people just don't want children.  You never know what is going on with them.

I have cried, and I have argued with the Lord.  I have seen many of my friends continue to grow their families, and as I send them my "congratulations" I groan within and ask God why.  Why give me one when I wanted more?  Why allow me to get older and not have other children to care for?

But it is in these moments that the Lord softly reminds me that His ways are higher.  Didn't we give ourselves to the Lord when we got married and said that however many children He wanted us to have, would be fine with us?  What if His will was to give us just one?  What if trusting Him in everything meant trusting Him in fertility as well?  -And trusting Him with whatever He thought we could handle?

Perhaps, if He had given us more children by now, I would have been so engrossed in my family that I would have forgotten He Who lives in my heart.  Perhaps He needed to get my attention, somehow, someway, so that I might lean all the more onto Him - and not on those poor souls around me who might not have the strength or support that I need almost every moment of every day.  Perhaps, He wants me to fall in love more and more with Him, and not put my heart into those things I long for and desire.

But I do believe I am on the road to recovery.  I have been seeing a midwife and we are working through what the problem might be.  Do I believe with all my heart that God will allow us to be parents again?  No, although I sincerely hope so, I know that it could still be His perfect will that we parent only one child.  Or perhaps later adopt, or foster.

And it would be wrong of me to totally forget the child that God has already blessed us with.  She is a beacon of light in this dark world, she is smart, lovely, funny, beautiful and such a ray of sunshine.  (It's amazing to see her grow up so much!)  God wanted Stephen and I to be her parents, and to squander that job - that wonderful responsibility - just to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my own self-pity, would be a sin.  I strive to delight in the child He has blessed me with, when I know there are others who cannot even have one.

No, life is not "fair" and the things my family and I are going through may not amount to much compared to what you may be going through.  But as my favorite quote says, let us not forget to live when our longings have so entangled us.

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When We Don't Deserve the Blessings...

The other day, our dear, sweet 3 year old daughter, who hardly ever puts up a fuss, threw an extraordinary temper tantrum when we told her "no" to her favorite restaurant, McDonald's.

Now, you can imagine that for a little girl who absolutely loves chicken nuggets and a surprise toy, this was like the world ending to her. We gently told her that Mommy and Daddy wanted to eat somewhere else this time, but to no avail. She sobbed relentlessly, and being hungry did not help matters. After some much-needed discipline she quieted down and things were soon back to normal.  We were exhausted from the experience, but knew that this was one experience we would not soon forget (neither would she, I venture to say).

A few days later, I received a special blessing. Not only did it confirm to me (and my sweet husband) that the Lord was still definitely looking out for us, but it also reminded me of my own stubbornness to God Himself.

That blessing was to reunite with two little girls that we had lived next door to over a year ago.  They came from a broken home, reared only by a single mother who didn't seem to be around much.  And when she wasn't, they were either left home alone or under the care of a shady boyfriend.  They would constantly want to stay at our house, just to hang out, or see what they could get into. They were clearly starving for attention and love. They clung to me in an embrace, and loved giggling with Stephen or playing with our daughter. Yes, sometimes, they got on our nerves, but soon - almost suddenly - they were gone. They had moved out of state. We missed them a lot, dreaming of somehow meeting them again one day, but what are the odds of that ever happening?  We felt bad for not sharing the gospel, but now there was no way we could even try to find them.  All we could do was pray for them whenever we thought of them.

Fast forward about 13 months. I was picking up G from Sunday School class. It would be our last at this particular church, before we moved five hours away.  I recognized one of the girls among the children. The same sweet, toothless smile and bouncing hair pretties in her black hair. She remembered me right away, and we hugged.  Throughout the services, she and her sister would see me and cling to me. I was still in such shock! But my heart was overflowing inside. I couldn't wait to tell Stephen.

In my own way, I had thrown a royal fit when I didn't get what I wanted.  I cried and cried when we didn't make the move when initially planned.  I wonder, how many times has God been so exhausted because of me?

Instead of moving at the end of August, we had to delay it (due to replacement issues for my husband's job) to the end of September.  And then, when the time came, we had to delay it yet again to the end of October.

Why God? Why do You want us to be in 'limbo' all the time?? I groaned.  I wanted to get this move over with, so we could get on with our lives.

As I saw the girls' smiling, cheerful faces - the same faces I thought I'd never see again - I cried within.

Then the reality dawned on me.

If we had moved at the original date, I would have missed out on this special meeting.  I would have been happily setting up house in a totally new area, but I would have missed seeing M and N again! Even if it was for a very short time.  And, this just happened to be about 5 days before we left.

God not only admonished me, but He gave me the sweetest blessing I could ever have asked for.  Why is He so good to little ol' me?

Potty-Trained!

Our 3-year-old turned three and not even two days passed when she decided to wear her new panties and go to the potty.  She has completely trained herself in about 8 days.  (Except for at night and nap times.)

I was shocked.

I mean, I have been training her off-and-on for about a year now.  We got her a little potty of her own, we even got her books about the subject.  But as she grew older, she also developed the skill to speak up about what she wanted.  And what she wanted was to put her diaper on and not even try using the potty.  She even wanted to change her own diaper!

I exasperated to my husband that our daughter was too smart not to use the potty, that she knew how to do it if she just put her mind to it!  He encouraged me to relax and wait.  "She'll just start using the potty one day, you'll see," he'd say.  "Just like she did with her pacifier - she gave it up suddenly one day."

Of course, I doubted him!  She was pulling the wool over his eyes, I thought.

But, after all was said and done, he was right.  She has quit using diapers altogether.  Sometimes, she doesn't even like putting on a diaper to go to sleep in.  But then I convince her that she can put on her panties just as soon as she gets up in the morning.  And she does.

I tell her over and over how excited I am for her to be such a big girl now, and how proud we are of her. :-) 

Do The Next Thing, Even When You Don't "Feel" Like It

Spanish Moss-covered trees tower over a picturesque swamp in South Carolina

I have had my fair share of heartaches.  Disappointments.  Let-downs.  That feeling of walking into a brick wall.  Whatever you want to call it, we've all been there done that.  So what?

This evening, as my baby girl played quietly by herself and my guy played his banjo, I decided to pull out my journal from the past year and skim over what our year was like.  Good gracious me.  It's a good thing I somehow found the time to journal about our lives and my feelings at the time, because I would never have believed it had someone told me.  Amidst the chaos of moving 4-1/2 hours south, relocating my husband's job, trying to get settled in our new home, caring for my family, trying out new churches, learning and applying healthy lifestyles, and the many changes that come with moving so far away from family (or anybody we even remotely were acquainted with), I think I grew up.

The pages of my rose-covered journal were filled with pain, loneliness and heartaches of the deepest kind this year.  At first glance, you would think that I was a miserable woman who wondered constantly, "What am I doing with my life?"  And, in all honesty, some days, I certainly felt like such a woman.

"I feel secluded, lost, blah, blah, blah," I wrote this past Summer. "I can not depend on anybody or anything because I will be miserable."

But, why would I be so miserable?  My marriage was one of the greatest gifts the Lord has ever bestowed upon me, and my husband is truly my best friend.  Poor guy didn't know how to comfort me sometimes.  And I can't get over the blessing of our little girl- my little joy walking around. :-)  Most days, these were the only friends I had.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Family is supposed to be your closest friends.  But I was lonely and pained because I felt that we were all alone on an isolated island.  I felt that, even after the housecleaning, the caring for our daughter, the cooking, the laundry, etc, my days were growing to be very boring.  My husband worked unpredictable hours, and I would often miss him terribly.  And when I miss my guy, I want to crawl into bed, cuddle my baby, and do nothing with my time but watch a sappy Hallmark movie!

Day after day after day, I wondered what in the world we were doing with our lives and why did I feel this way when I had prayed and dreamed of becoming a wife and a mother so many times?  Why had the 'excitement' waned so much, now? I had everything in the world to be thankful for -- to be content with.  And as I read my journal entries, I found the problem.

I was too worried about so-and-so and what they might think.

Instead of creating a life full of beauty and simplicity and joy for my family, I was worrying myself sick about those I loved in distance places and what they thought of me and my life.  Instead of "looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith,"* sitting at His beloved feet, soaking up His Word to me each and every day, I was crumbling under the weight of anxiety and depression.

But although I'd love to wallow in my own self-pity and point the finger at others who may have caused it, I can't.  I brought it on myself.  And I didn't even know it.

I began opening my Bible each time I sat down for breakfast.  Something I had been in the habit of doing, but feeling down can make you feel like "throwing in the towel."  And even though I would pray and read His Word, the depression and anxiety did not magically disappear.  It did, however, improve greatly.  If I did nothing else for the day but care for and play with my little one, take care of my hard-working husband, pray and read sweet passages of Scripture, it was a good day.  Even if I didn't get to sweep and mop that day.  Or clean the bathrooms.  There would be time tomorrow for those things.

I still have bouts of depression and anxiety that come and go like waves.  But I have learned that instead of sitting curled up on the couch crying my eyes out, I just need to open myself up and lay down at my Lord's feet.  Give Him everything I am worried, anxious, sad, or depressed about.  Let Him pick up the pieces.  Let Him show me what to do.

Elisabeth Elliot loved this poem.  I often heard her recite it on her radio program years and years ago.  Her sweet voice reading these words came to me during those times of blah, of confusion.  And I was encouraged greatly:

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message for me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, as it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the hours the quiet words ring,
Like a low inspiration: DO THE NEXT THING.

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given. Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King, Trust them with Jesus. DO THE NEXT THING.

Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command,
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all resultings. DO THE NEXT THING.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener,
(Working or suffering) be thy demeanor.
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm.
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing!
Then, as He beckons thee, DO THE NEXT THING.

Mastering the Art of Making Home Happy

I was talking to my mom the other day about some recent discoveries I've made in the Housecleaning Department of Our Home.  As you can see from the photo above, my kitchen sink has just one saucepan, one saucer, one glass, one cup measure, and one wooden spoon in it.  (Still working on that tool clutter...)  The counter tops are, for the most part, cleared off and cleaned.  Things are in their place.  Order is prevalent and it makes me so happy.

In fact, this is the cleanest my tiny kitchen has been in I don't know how long!  Since moving here about four months ago, I have tried to make our little townhouse much more than the cramped-feeling thing that it seems to be but I have also not been very diligent to keep things in their place, either.  With the hubby working 50, sometimes 60 hour weeks, you could say I have *plenty* of time on my hands to keep on top of things and not let anything fall to the wayside.  Ha!  You could say that, sure, but here's the thing: it didn't excite me to really deep-clean and organize like I should have.  And because it didn't excite me, I just did the absolute basic necessities.  You know what that means! ;-)  I have always been one to let the dishes pile up and then do them all in one fell swoop.  Or let all the clothes in the entire household (excepting the ones on our bodies, of course :-P ) get all completely dirty before doing *all* the laundry in one day.  Yeah.  I was *that* kind of person.

Maybe I'm just getting older.  Yes, maybe that's it.  Because, now I can't imagine housecleaning any other way!  I've been told and encouraged by countless other moms to do it this way, but it just never worked for me before now.  Now, it excites me to put that one load of laundry in the machine, knowing that it's just that one for now because everything else is clean - or, to put those few dishes into the dishwasher waiting for a full load because all the counters are clean and I'm not going to turn around and see a whole other batch of dirty dishes when I thought I was done....

The creativity in me is blossoming again because I'm the kind of person who can't really think, create, write or do much of anything if my surroundings are messy.  I'm getting excited about baking new recipes with my little side-kick, writing again after soooooo long, decorating with themes, making crafts with my energetic two year old, and plenty other ideas too.  Hey, this addicted-to-sleep mama is even thinking that she could get up early and write or blog until the little one wakes up!  Wow - where did that come from?!

Now, this isn't to say that our townhouse is in spick and span order everywhere you turn.  Because, it's not.  Nope.  But I'm not beating myself up because I know I'll get to it someday soon.  And guess what?  I take off two days a week just like my husband.  We kick back, relax and enjoy each other and our little family.  Yes, that does mean that the dishes and the laundry might start piling up again but I'm pretty sure it won't be overflowing onto the counters or floors! (YES, floors.....)  Of course, this doesn't mean that we don't occasionally put a few dishes in the dishwasher or wipe off the kitchen table.  But it does mean that I'm not totally consumed with keeping things in perfect order.  My sweet husband doesn't expect it to be and neither should I. :-)

Don't feel bad if your home isn't in perfect order, or you don't really have a "system" to go by when housecleaning.  After all, I only have one child so far.  And although I think she's a handful at times, my "system" might be different if I had two, three or four kids to look after.  Do what works for you.  Do what makes you and everybody else happy and harmonious.  If letting things pile up works best for you, then yay!  At least you are accomplishing something and things *do* get cleaned, even if it's only on occasion. :-)

I saw a quote by Louisa May Alcott today and I thought it fit perfectly with what I'm trying to say:

"The power of finding beauty in the humblest things
makes home happy and life lovely."

That's what we all strive for, right?  A happy home and a lovely life?  Because, it is in those moments of happiness and loveliness that we can better serve others, which means we are ultimately serving our King.  Praise God!

No Greater Joy

I have heard a lot of negativity in recent years about Michael and Debi Pearl and the No Greater Joy Ministries.  It got me thinking.  I don't know why there is such an uproar when they are not harming anyone, not trying to cause any disorder, but are actually trying to help people and be an encouragement.

I grew up with my parents using some of their methods and ideas.  I've read several of their books (including Preparing to Be A Help Meet and Created to Be His Help Meet).  I have been encouraged and uplifted by their magazine.  And although Stephen and I do not use the majority of their advice, their ministry has given hope to thousands of people - parents, singles, married people on the verge of divorce.

They are NOT advocates for child-abuse.

The Pearls actually advocate love.  They teach that if you discipline without love, your efforts are for nothing and your children will continue to be unhappy and vying for attention in all the wrong ways.  They suggest you to be happy, loving and kind with your kids. This doesn't sound abusive to me.

I know that there are some families that read their material, misinterpret it, use it angrily that make NGJ and their 'normal' - shall we say? - fans seem twisted, sick, mentally disturbed, crazy and anything else you want to add to that list. I've heard it all.  I've even been accused of being abused by my parents.  Nope.  Not at all. 

Child-abuse is wrong in every way.  It is twisted, sick, and the person who thinks it's okay in any way, shape or form, is mentally disturbed.  Children should never have to be subjected to that kind of treatment.  The Bible says that "children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward."* ps 127:3  Therefore, we should be loving our children, not hating them.  But that doesn't mean never to discipline them, either.  They are to be lovingly reproved, and sometimes, spanked - also, in a loving manner.  Why?  Because we love them and want the best for them!

Proverbs 23:13 says, "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."  I don't believe this verse is saying to beat your child any time they do wrong.  But it is saying not to be afraid to use the rod, when the offense has warranted it.

We do not spank our two year old.  She is just a toddler!  And although she is an extremely smart toddler, we have learned that she responds well to other methods of discipline.  Therefore, spanking would be abusive to her right now.  We don't refrain from spanking just because we would rather not deal with it; we refrain because she is still much too young.  (And I am aware that the Pearls suggest to spank - or swat the child's hand - at a much younger age.  We have had need, on occasion, to swat our daughter's hand but that is as far as it goes at her age. We do not agree with anything past that at this age.)  If, however, when she is much older and she has deliberately disobeyed us or done something she knows very well to be wrong, we will not withhold the correction she needs.  God will continue to be our guide.  He is love, but He is also justice.

             The two books I mentioned above, Preparing to Be A Help Meet and Created to Be His Help Meet have been the topic of controversy many times.  I read the former when it first came out.  I was single at the time and very anxious to be married sometime in the near future.  Preparing gave me a hope, a focus.  It encouraged me to keep waiting and I would be rewarded for my patience.  It taught me to keep learning, instead of putting any learning on hold (as I was so apt to do!) until the next phase of my life "started."  When I finally did get married, I read Created again (since skimming through it a few times as a single) and gleaned from it, too!  Her description of a "Prophet/Visionary" man nearly fit my guy to a "T"!  I was greatly encouraged.  It made me so proud of my man and made me want to love him and serve him all the more.  In fact, this is probably why some people think that I am such a pushover and let him 'get away with' anything and everything.  Not so.  We are a team.  He is not my king and I am not his servant.  He doesn't demand that I have dinner ready when he gets home, and I don't do what he bids even when I don't feel like it or want to.  We are both on the same team!  When he does something nice for me or compliments me on my looks (or just looks so darn cute ;-) ) it makes me love him all the more and I naturally want to respond with service.  Doesn't mean that I am his slave!

(And by the way, submission to one's husband is actually very Biblical.  See Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, just to name a few...)  

Of course, as with anything, we don't agree with everything they teach.  But I think that will happen with anybody and anything - you take some and you leave some, as the Lord guides you and gives you conviction.

May the Lord alone be glorified and may we seek His face to know what He would have each of us do... after all, His 'methods' are the ones we should strive for anyway!

Gabby is TWO!!!

Tousled red hair, deep brown eyes and an innocent curiosity that exudes her being, Gabby is much like any other child her age.  But she is unique.  She has Daddy's hair, Mommy's eyes, a few of the relatives' expressions or sayings, and her own personal demeanor.

It's been an amazing journey being her mommy!  From the first moments of labor, to finally holding her for the first time, to watching her grow and develop each month, our little dolly is growing up right before our eyes and it's so hard to believe. :-(

When I am feeling low or upset, Gabby is there to comfort me with a touch on my arm with her little hand or an impulsive hug around my neck.  She never ceases to have a smile on her face and is constantly chatting about something or other!  She loves taking her dollies into her arms and cuddling them with a towel for a blanket; and she loves being a 'baby' too- the comfort of tugging at our ears while sucking on her milk bottle is something that's going to be very hard for her to give up someday.  She has an amazing sense of smarts for her age (at 12 months, her doctor said she had the intelligence of a 15-18 month old!) and an innocence about her that is priceless.  She is learning to be a good girl in church service and be quiet during family Bible reading.  I can't imagine not having a little person trailing behind me most of the day, asking questions in her own way or just laughing about something or other.

Happy birthday, our sweet baby girl!  We love you to the moon and back. ;-)  We pray many more years ahead for the glory of the Lord! <3

When Blank Pages Get "Blotched"

 

 

Our daughter, Gabby, is certainly a handful.  She is funny, smart, stubborn, determined, cute, mischievous, ambitious, daring, curious, and so very much more.  Sometimes, we forget that she is still under two (although just barely!) because she is so smart. ;-)

 

I don't think we've had a completely restful, solid 8+ hours of sleep a night since she was born!  There is either a diaper to change, a bottle to warm, crying to soothe, fevers to check, medicine to be given, etc. etc.  This little person has brought many disturbances to our once very quiet, peaceful home.  People, sometimes I can't even sing to her anymore!  She doesn't like it and will start crying.  (Whatever I did to have that effect on her, I sure would love to know so I don't make the same mistake again! LOL.)  But you want to know something crazy? 

 

Stephen and I would never trade it all for the world. 

 

Those peaceful days of caring for our home, of leisurely deciding to write a letter or journal or, hmmmm, I think I would like to make some cookies, are all gone.  Now, I must think about little hands coming behind me and pulling everything I just arranged back onto the floor, what she is into, how excited she will get when she sees me writing and wants to take my pen and scribble on my paper, how when she sees the flour bag come out she wants to get both fists full of it and sprinkle it on the table.  Certainly nothing leisurely about that!  Our home is fast-paced, interesting and never dull.

 

Of course, this doesn't mean that our home is run by this child.  She has her limits, of course, and sometimes it is hard to learn them because she doesn't quite understand.

 

 

Lately, she has been infatuated with watching ABC learning videos on Daddy or Mommy's phones.  We just bought a new laptop for us and now, instead of watching them on the phones as she was once very content to do, she wants to see it on our big laptop screen!  Apparently, the phones got old in a flash. :-/  But these last few evenings, it has been very hard to get her to say 'night night' to the videos and go to sleep.  She will cry and cry and not get to sleep until very late, sometimes as late as midnight and beyond. :-0  So we have decided to limit her screen time and entertain her with other knowledgeable things such as dancing or playing chase with Mommy and Daddy, making cookies, coloring the ABC's or reading the Bible together (which she is beginning to enjoy!).

 

The other night was one of the roughest we've had in quite a while.  Gabby had just gotten over a few days of unexplained fever and did not want to go to sleep for anything, so we walked her and sang "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" (when she is overly exhausted she can't really have much to say about my singing ;-) ) while she practically cried herself to sleep.  Then, Stephen had a nasty toothache flare up that kept him awake almost the entire night.  I got some sleep between worrying about Stephen's pain - and not being able to do anything for him - making a bottle for Gabby, and changing her diaper, but the next morning I started thinking about the days when I was single and could sleep a solid 8-10 hours a night.  Sweet visions of restful sleep, hearing only the crickets of the night as background noise, of journaling when I liked, making cookies when I liked, swiftly entered my head and swiftly left.  I looked at Gabby, now awake, chatty and happy, and Stephen, still in some pain but always good lookin', and shook my head.  Yeah right, I thought.  No way.  I have everything I ever could have dreamed of right here.

 

                  If God had somehow given me the opportunity years ago to plan out my life in my book of blank pages, I don't know what I would have put down.  A husband, yes, and children, of course.  But these late, disturbed nights, a crying baby, a scattered schedule, never enough time to journal or read???  If God had shown me what He planned for my life, would I have accepted it gracefully and said, "Oh thank You, Lord, I've always wanted disturbed nights and scattered schedules.  Just my cup of tea!  When can I start?"  I doubt it.

Yet, that is exactly what I should have done, had this ever happened.  Don't get me wrong - there are still times when I get so frustrated with my little girl and want to just throw my hands up in the air and give up.  But that's not what the Lord would want me to do!  His way is gentle, kind and patient.  Gabby is watching my every move.  She is learning things at the drop of a hat.  Her little brain is so very impressionable, and I want to be a good impression as her mother.

So, when my blank pages get "blotched" with unplanned, crazy fiascos.... oh well.  I need suck it up, bite my tongue, breathe, and ask the Lord for strength to get through it.  Besides, why would I want peace and quiet (can you say boring?) when I can lead this adventurous, fun-filled, energetic life with those that are dearest to me?

 

"These are the times when doubts try to creep in

And I need a reason that's larger than life when hope seems hard to find

If only I can fight just a little longer

I know it's gonna make me stronger."

("Holding On" by Jamie Grace)

 

Doubts as to whether or not you were actually cut out for this calling of wifehood and motherhood may try to creep in.  But those doubts should not be entertained.  You were put in this position in life - however you got here - for a reason.  Don't ever rethink it.  You may not know the why right now, but sooner or later God will reveal it to you and then everything in life will look so beautiful.  You will wonder why God didn't put that reason smack dab in front of you before when 'hope seemed so hard to find.'  But then you will realize that God just wanted to make you stronger as a woman, as a wife and as a mother. 

 

Enjoy those blotches!