When Blank Pages Get "Blotched"

 

 

Our daughter, Gabby, is certainly a handful.  She is funny, smart, stubborn, determined, cute, mischievous, ambitious, daring, curious, and so very much more.  Sometimes, we forget that she is still under two (although just barely!) because she is so smart. ;-)

 

I don't think we've had a completely restful, solid 8+ hours of sleep a night since she was born!  There is either a diaper to change, a bottle to warm, crying to soothe, fevers to check, medicine to be given, etc. etc.  This little person has brought many disturbances to our once very quiet, peaceful home.  People, sometimes I can't even sing to her anymore!  She doesn't like it and will start crying.  (Whatever I did to have that effect on her, I sure would love to know so I don't make the same mistake again! LOL.)  But you want to know something crazy? 

 

Stephen and I would never trade it all for the world. 

 

Those peaceful days of caring for our home, of leisurely deciding to write a letter or journal or, hmmmm, I think I would like to make some cookies, are all gone.  Now, I must think about little hands coming behind me and pulling everything I just arranged back onto the floor, what she is into, how excited she will get when she sees me writing and wants to take my pen and scribble on my paper, how when she sees the flour bag come out she wants to get both fists full of it and sprinkle it on the table.  Certainly nothing leisurely about that!  Our home is fast-paced, interesting and never dull.

 

Of course, this doesn't mean that our home is run by this child.  She has her limits, of course, and sometimes it is hard to learn them because she doesn't quite understand.

 

 

Lately, she has been infatuated with watching ABC learning videos on Daddy or Mommy's phones.  We just bought a new laptop for us and now, instead of watching them on the phones as she was once very content to do, she wants to see it on our big laptop screen!  Apparently, the phones got old in a flash. :-/  But these last few evenings, it has been very hard to get her to say 'night night' to the videos and go to sleep.  She will cry and cry and not get to sleep until very late, sometimes as late as midnight and beyond. :-0  So we have decided to limit her screen time and entertain her with other knowledgeable things such as dancing or playing chase with Mommy and Daddy, making cookies, coloring the ABC's or reading the Bible together (which she is beginning to enjoy!).

 

The other night was one of the roughest we've had in quite a while.  Gabby had just gotten over a few days of unexplained fever and did not want to go to sleep for anything, so we walked her and sang "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" (when she is overly exhausted she can't really have much to say about my singing ;-) ) while she practically cried herself to sleep.  Then, Stephen had a nasty toothache flare up that kept him awake almost the entire night.  I got some sleep between worrying about Stephen's pain - and not being able to do anything for him - making a bottle for Gabby, and changing her diaper, but the next morning I started thinking about the days when I was single and could sleep a solid 8-10 hours a night.  Sweet visions of restful sleep, hearing only the crickets of the night as background noise, of journaling when I liked, making cookies when I liked, swiftly entered my head and swiftly left.  I looked at Gabby, now awake, chatty and happy, and Stephen, still in some pain but always good lookin', and shook my head.  Yeah right, I thought.  No way.  I have everything I ever could have dreamed of right here.

 

                  If God had somehow given me the opportunity years ago to plan out my life in my book of blank pages, I don't know what I would have put down.  A husband, yes, and children, of course.  But these late, disturbed nights, a crying baby, a scattered schedule, never enough time to journal or read???  If God had shown me what He planned for my life, would I have accepted it gracefully and said, "Oh thank You, Lord, I've always wanted disturbed nights and scattered schedules.  Just my cup of tea!  When can I start?"  I doubt it.

Yet, that is exactly what I should have done, had this ever happened.  Don't get me wrong - there are still times when I get so frustrated with my little girl and want to just throw my hands up in the air and give up.  But that's not what the Lord would want me to do!  His way is gentle, kind and patient.  Gabby is watching my every move.  She is learning things at the drop of a hat.  Her little brain is so very impressionable, and I want to be a good impression as her mother.

So, when my blank pages get "blotched" with unplanned, crazy fiascos.... oh well.  I need suck it up, bite my tongue, breathe, and ask the Lord for strength to get through it.  Besides, why would I want peace and quiet (can you say boring?) when I can lead this adventurous, fun-filled, energetic life with those that are dearest to me?

 

"These are the times when doubts try to creep in

And I need a reason that's larger than life when hope seems hard to find

If only I can fight just a little longer

I know it's gonna make me stronger."

("Holding On" by Jamie Grace)

 

Doubts as to whether or not you were actually cut out for this calling of wifehood and motherhood may try to creep in.  But those doubts should not be entertained.  You were put in this position in life - however you got here - for a reason.  Don't ever rethink it.  You may not know the why right now, but sooner or later God will reveal it to you and then everything in life will look so beautiful.  You will wonder why God didn't put that reason smack dab in front of you before when 'hope seemed so hard to find.'  But then you will realize that God just wanted to make you stronger as a woman, as a wife and as a mother. 

 

Enjoy those blotches!