Mastering the Art of Making Home Happy

I was talking to my mom the other day about some recent discoveries I've made in the Housecleaning Department of Our Home.  As you can see from the photo above, my kitchen sink has just one saucepan, one saucer, one glass, one cup measure, and one wooden spoon in it.  (Still working on that tool clutter...)  The counter tops are, for the most part, cleared off and cleaned.  Things are in their place.  Order is prevalent and it makes me so happy.

In fact, this is the cleanest my tiny kitchen has been in I don't know how long!  Since moving here about four months ago, I have tried to make our little townhouse much more than the cramped-feeling thing that it seems to be but I have also not been very diligent to keep things in their place, either.  With the hubby working 50, sometimes 60 hour weeks, you could say I have *plenty* of time on my hands to keep on top of things and not let anything fall to the wayside.  Ha!  You could say that, sure, but here's the thing: it didn't excite me to really deep-clean and organize like I should have.  And because it didn't excite me, I just did the absolute basic necessities.  You know what that means! ;-)  I have always been one to let the dishes pile up and then do them all in one fell swoop.  Or let all the clothes in the entire household (excepting the ones on our bodies, of course :-P ) get all completely dirty before doing *all* the laundry in one day.  Yeah.  I was *that* kind of person.

Maybe I'm just getting older.  Yes, maybe that's it.  Because, now I can't imagine housecleaning any other way!  I've been told and encouraged by countless other moms to do it this way, but it just never worked for me before now.  Now, it excites me to put that one load of laundry in the machine, knowing that it's just that one for now because everything else is clean - or, to put those few dishes into the dishwasher waiting for a full load because all the counters are clean and I'm not going to turn around and see a whole other batch of dirty dishes when I thought I was done....

The creativity in me is blossoming again because I'm the kind of person who can't really think, create, write or do much of anything if my surroundings are messy.  I'm getting excited about baking new recipes with my little side-kick, writing again after soooooo long, decorating with themes, making crafts with my energetic two year old, and plenty other ideas too.  Hey, this addicted-to-sleep mama is even thinking that she could get up early and write or blog until the little one wakes up!  Wow - where did that come from?!

Now, this isn't to say that our townhouse is in spick and span order everywhere you turn.  Because, it's not.  Nope.  But I'm not beating myself up because I know I'll get to it someday soon.  And guess what?  I take off two days a week just like my husband.  We kick back, relax and enjoy each other and our little family.  Yes, that does mean that the dishes and the laundry might start piling up again but I'm pretty sure it won't be overflowing onto the counters or floors! (YES, floors.....)  Of course, this doesn't mean that we don't occasionally put a few dishes in the dishwasher or wipe off the kitchen table.  But it does mean that I'm not totally consumed with keeping things in perfect order.  My sweet husband doesn't expect it to be and neither should I. :-)

Don't feel bad if your home isn't in perfect order, or you don't really have a "system" to go by when housecleaning.  After all, I only have one child so far.  And although I think she's a handful at times, my "system" might be different if I had two, three or four kids to look after.  Do what works for you.  Do what makes you and everybody else happy and harmonious.  If letting things pile up works best for you, then yay!  At least you are accomplishing something and things *do* get cleaned, even if it's only on occasion. :-)

I saw a quote by Louisa May Alcott today and I thought it fit perfectly with what I'm trying to say:

"The power of finding beauty in the humblest things
makes home happy and life lovely."

That's what we all strive for, right?  A happy home and a lovely life?  Because, it is in those moments of happiness and loveliness that we can better serve others, which means we are ultimately serving our King.  Praise God!

Forgiveness

This is a song that has been speaking volumes to me, lately.  My heart hurts and I do feel like I'm losing a lot of the time -- but I must, MUST forgive.  Read the lyrics below and listen to the song.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I can't believe what she said
I can't believe what he did

Oh, don't they know it's wrong

Don't they know it's wrong

Well maybe there's something I missed

But how could they treat me like this?

It's wearing out my heart

The way they disregard.

This is love or this is hate.

We all have a choice to make.

Oh, Father, won't You forgive them

They don't know what they've been doin'.

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them

'Cause I feel like the one losing.

Well it's only the dead that can live

But still I wrestle with this

To lose the pain that's mine

Seventy times seven times

'Cause Lord it doesn't feel right

For me to turn a blind eye

Though I guess it's not that much

When I think of what You've done.

This is love or this is hate.

We gotta a choice to make.

Oh, Father, won't You forgive them

They don't know what they've been doin'.

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them

'Cause I feel like the one losing.

Why do we think that hate's gonna change their heart?
We're up in arms over wars that don't need to be fought

Pride won't let us lay our weapons on the ground

We build our bridges up but just to burn them down.

We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop

Truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not

Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound 

Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send your angels down.

Oh, Father, won't You forgive them

They don't know what they've been doin'.

Oh, Father, give me grace to forgive them

'Cause I feel like the one losing."

His Loving Little Wife

What is it about a marriage that makes it so desirous for singles?  What makes the relationship between a man and a woman so beautifully intriguing to those who are 'alone'?

Of course, the old adage "it's not a bed of roses" is, sadly, true.  Humans are not perfect.  In many cases, couples who are married are miserable; miserable with life, themselves, and each other.

Just the other day, I was at the store and noticed a couple who appeared to be in their fifties.  Each had their own shopping cart, even though they were obviously shopping together.  They must have been shopping for a lot of stuff!  During my own shopping, I came upon them and observed how the wife was constantly calling to her husband over her shoulder, "Please go get _______."  And as he was looking at a product, she demanded, "What are you doing, now?  I need _________."  If I hadn't seen who she was talking to, I would have thought she was talking to a rebellious teenage son.  Her tone was irritated, impatient and stern.

It made me think.  What had happened in their marriage that caused the wife to seemingly lose all respect for her man?  Had they once upon a time been happy and in love?  It saddened me to think that maybe once they had been.

I thought of my own marriage.  I am by no means perfect.  And neither is my husband.  We are sinners in a fallen world, and unfortunately, that's how it's going to be until we reach our eternal Home.  But it doesn't mean that we have to constantly be selfish and fight and argue with each other, either.  It means that we must work to make our marriage work and fight to keep it strong and alive!  Satan lurks at every imaginable -- and unimaginable -- corner.  Don't underestimate the power of a husband and wife working together as a team!

Although we have only been married for three years, it is sometimes hard to remember our courting days.  Life just happens and seems to get in the way.  It makes me sad when the memories get a little blurred from every day life.  But I want to always remember what it was like the moment I fell in love.  I want to remember what it was like when my heart skipped a beat because I heard my phone alert me to his text.  Or the first time he came to see me.  And we held hands.

He's working 60+ hours a week these days, and I'm busy keeping house, playing with the baby, cooking or going to church.  Life is going to happen.  But that's when we take time for each other.  Instead of getting upset about it, we do something about it.  We close the laptop, set aside the phones and curl up together on the couch (that is, before our 2 year old insists on being in the middle of it!) -- just chatting about this and that.  It can be something as little as what he had for lunch that day, or what I did differently to clean the floors.  At least we are together, talking.

And when we can't be together (such as when he is working so long), we do what we did when we were courting 1,100 miles apart: we text. :-)  More often than not, though, he is so busy he cannot text at all, so I send him texts throughout the day letting him know that I'm thinking of him -- because I am.  (And when he gets the chance, he calls me throughout the day. :-) )

I am not saying that we have it all figured out, because we don't.  We still have horrible arguments on occasion and hurt each other deeply.  But we don't stop talking to one another.  We pray that God would forgive us and that we would seek to bless and serve the other.

My husband is my greatest friend.  He's the BFF I never had.  I don't want that status to ever change, and neither does he. :-)  We don't want to become the stagnant couple who just 'go through the motions' but in their heart of hearts they are miserable and afraid.

We want to be so in love that every time we are away from each other, we miss each other.  I don't mean just casually.  I mean, like, crazy miss each other.

We want to shine to the world with love for each other, and most importantly, love for our Lord and King.

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
Matthew 19:6

No Greater Joy

I have heard a lot of negativity in recent years about Michael and Debi Pearl and the No Greater Joy Ministries.  It got me thinking.  I don't know why there is such an uproar when they are not harming anyone, not trying to cause any disorder, but are actually trying to help people and be an encouragement.

I grew up with my parents using some of their methods and ideas.  I've read several of their books (including Preparing to Be A Help Meet and Created to Be His Help Meet).  I have been encouraged and uplifted by their magazine.  And although Stephen and I do not use the majority of their advice, their ministry has given hope to thousands of people - parents, singles, married people on the verge of divorce.

They are NOT advocates for child-abuse.

The Pearls actually advocate love.  They teach that if you discipline without love, your efforts are for nothing and your children will continue to be unhappy and vying for attention in all the wrong ways.  They suggest you to be happy, loving and kind with your kids. This doesn't sound abusive to me.

I know that there are some families that read their material, misinterpret it, use it angrily that make NGJ and their 'normal' - shall we say? - fans seem twisted, sick, mentally disturbed, crazy and anything else you want to add to that list. I've heard it all.  I've even been accused of being abused by my parents.  Nope.  Not at all. 

Child-abuse is wrong in every way.  It is twisted, sick, and the person who thinks it's okay in any way, shape or form, is mentally disturbed.  Children should never have to be subjected to that kind of treatment.  The Bible says that "children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward."* ps 127:3  Therefore, we should be loving our children, not hating them.  But that doesn't mean never to discipline them, either.  They are to be lovingly reproved, and sometimes, spanked - also, in a loving manner.  Why?  Because we love them and want the best for them!

Proverbs 23:13 says, "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die."  I don't believe this verse is saying to beat your child any time they do wrong.  But it is saying not to be afraid to use the rod, when the offense has warranted it.

We do not spank our two year old.  She is just a toddler!  And although she is an extremely smart toddler, we have learned that she responds well to other methods of discipline.  Therefore, spanking would be abusive to her right now.  We don't refrain from spanking just because we would rather not deal with it; we refrain because she is still much too young.  (And I am aware that the Pearls suggest to spank - or swat the child's hand - at a much younger age.  We have had need, on occasion, to swat our daughter's hand but that is as far as it goes at her age. We do not agree with anything past that at this age.)  If, however, when she is much older and she has deliberately disobeyed us or done something she knows very well to be wrong, we will not withhold the correction she needs.  God will continue to be our guide.  He is love, but He is also justice.

             The two books I mentioned above, Preparing to Be A Help Meet and Created to Be His Help Meet have been the topic of controversy many times.  I read the former when it first came out.  I was single at the time and very anxious to be married sometime in the near future.  Preparing gave me a hope, a focus.  It encouraged me to keep waiting and I would be rewarded for my patience.  It taught me to keep learning, instead of putting any learning on hold (as I was so apt to do!) until the next phase of my life "started."  When I finally did get married, I read Created again (since skimming through it a few times as a single) and gleaned from it, too!  Her description of a "Prophet/Visionary" man nearly fit my guy to a "T"!  I was greatly encouraged.  It made me so proud of my man and made me want to love him and serve him all the more.  In fact, this is probably why some people think that I am such a pushover and let him 'get away with' anything and everything.  Not so.  We are a team.  He is not my king and I am not his servant.  He doesn't demand that I have dinner ready when he gets home, and I don't do what he bids even when I don't feel like it or want to.  We are both on the same team!  When he does something nice for me or compliments me on my looks (or just looks so darn cute ;-) ) it makes me love him all the more and I naturally want to respond with service.  Doesn't mean that I am his slave!

(And by the way, submission to one's husband is actually very Biblical.  See Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, just to name a few...)  

Of course, as with anything, we don't agree with everything they teach.  But I think that will happen with anybody and anything - you take some and you leave some, as the Lord guides you and gives you conviction.

May the Lord alone be glorified and may we seek His face to know what He would have each of us do... after all, His 'methods' are the ones we should strive for anyway!

Gabby is TWO!!!

Tousled red hair, deep brown eyes and an innocent curiosity that exudes her being, Gabby is much like any other child her age.  But she is unique.  She has Daddy's hair, Mommy's eyes, a few of the relatives' expressions or sayings, and her own personal demeanor.

It's been an amazing journey being her mommy!  From the first moments of labor, to finally holding her for the first time, to watching her grow and develop each month, our little dolly is growing up right before our eyes and it's so hard to believe. :-(

When I am feeling low or upset, Gabby is there to comfort me with a touch on my arm with her little hand or an impulsive hug around my neck.  She never ceases to have a smile on her face and is constantly chatting about something or other!  She loves taking her dollies into her arms and cuddling them with a towel for a blanket; and she loves being a 'baby' too- the comfort of tugging at our ears while sucking on her milk bottle is something that's going to be very hard for her to give up someday.  She has an amazing sense of smarts for her age (at 12 months, her doctor said she had the intelligence of a 15-18 month old!) and an innocence about her that is priceless.  She is learning to be a good girl in church service and be quiet during family Bible reading.  I can't imagine not having a little person trailing behind me most of the day, asking questions in her own way or just laughing about something or other.

Happy birthday, our sweet baby girl!  We love you to the moon and back. ;-)  We pray many more years ahead for the glory of the Lord! <3

When Blank Pages Get "Blotched"

 

 

Our daughter, Gabby, is certainly a handful.  She is funny, smart, stubborn, determined, cute, mischievous, ambitious, daring, curious, and so very much more.  Sometimes, we forget that she is still under two (although just barely!) because she is so smart. ;-)

 

I don't think we've had a completely restful, solid 8+ hours of sleep a night since she was born!  There is either a diaper to change, a bottle to warm, crying to soothe, fevers to check, medicine to be given, etc. etc.  This little person has brought many disturbances to our once very quiet, peaceful home.  People, sometimes I can't even sing to her anymore!  She doesn't like it and will start crying.  (Whatever I did to have that effect on her, I sure would love to know so I don't make the same mistake again! LOL.)  But you want to know something crazy? 

 

Stephen and I would never trade it all for the world. 

 

Those peaceful days of caring for our home, of leisurely deciding to write a letter or journal or, hmmmm, I think I would like to make some cookies, are all gone.  Now, I must think about little hands coming behind me and pulling everything I just arranged back onto the floor, what she is into, how excited she will get when she sees me writing and wants to take my pen and scribble on my paper, how when she sees the flour bag come out she wants to get both fists full of it and sprinkle it on the table.  Certainly nothing leisurely about that!  Our home is fast-paced, interesting and never dull.

 

Of course, this doesn't mean that our home is run by this child.  She has her limits, of course, and sometimes it is hard to learn them because she doesn't quite understand.

 

 

Lately, she has been infatuated with watching ABC learning videos on Daddy or Mommy's phones.  We just bought a new laptop for us and now, instead of watching them on the phones as she was once very content to do, she wants to see it on our big laptop screen!  Apparently, the phones got old in a flash. :-/  But these last few evenings, it has been very hard to get her to say 'night night' to the videos and go to sleep.  She will cry and cry and not get to sleep until very late, sometimes as late as midnight and beyond. :-0  So we have decided to limit her screen time and entertain her with other knowledgeable things such as dancing or playing chase with Mommy and Daddy, making cookies, coloring the ABC's or reading the Bible together (which she is beginning to enjoy!).

 

The other night was one of the roughest we've had in quite a while.  Gabby had just gotten over a few days of unexplained fever and did not want to go to sleep for anything, so we walked her and sang "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" (when she is overly exhausted she can't really have much to say about my singing ;-) ) while she practically cried herself to sleep.  Then, Stephen had a nasty toothache flare up that kept him awake almost the entire night.  I got some sleep between worrying about Stephen's pain - and not being able to do anything for him - making a bottle for Gabby, and changing her diaper, but the next morning I started thinking about the days when I was single and could sleep a solid 8-10 hours a night.  Sweet visions of restful sleep, hearing only the crickets of the night as background noise, of journaling when I liked, making cookies when I liked, swiftly entered my head and swiftly left.  I looked at Gabby, now awake, chatty and happy, and Stephen, still in some pain but always good lookin', and shook my head.  Yeah right, I thought.  No way.  I have everything I ever could have dreamed of right here.

 

                  If God had somehow given me the opportunity years ago to plan out my life in my book of blank pages, I don't know what I would have put down.  A husband, yes, and children, of course.  But these late, disturbed nights, a crying baby, a scattered schedule, never enough time to journal or read???  If God had shown me what He planned for my life, would I have accepted it gracefully and said, "Oh thank You, Lord, I've always wanted disturbed nights and scattered schedules.  Just my cup of tea!  When can I start?"  I doubt it.

Yet, that is exactly what I should have done, had this ever happened.  Don't get me wrong - there are still times when I get so frustrated with my little girl and want to just throw my hands up in the air and give up.  But that's not what the Lord would want me to do!  His way is gentle, kind and patient.  Gabby is watching my every move.  She is learning things at the drop of a hat.  Her little brain is so very impressionable, and I want to be a good impression as her mother.

So, when my blank pages get "blotched" with unplanned, crazy fiascos.... oh well.  I need suck it up, bite my tongue, breathe, and ask the Lord for strength to get through it.  Besides, why would I want peace and quiet (can you say boring?) when I can lead this adventurous, fun-filled, energetic life with those that are dearest to me?

 

"These are the times when doubts try to creep in

And I need a reason that's larger than life when hope seems hard to find

If only I can fight just a little longer

I know it's gonna make me stronger."

("Holding On" by Jamie Grace)

 

Doubts as to whether or not you were actually cut out for this calling of wifehood and motherhood may try to creep in.  But those doubts should not be entertained.  You were put in this position in life - however you got here - for a reason.  Don't ever rethink it.  You may not know the why right now, but sooner or later God will reveal it to you and then everything in life will look so beautiful.  You will wonder why God didn't put that reason smack dab in front of you before when 'hope seemed so hard to find.'  But then you will realize that God just wanted to make you stronger as a woman, as a wife and as a mother. 

 

Enjoy those blotches!