I have heard a lot of negativity in recent years about Michael and Debi Pearl and the No Greater Joy Ministries. It got me thinking. I don't know why there is such an uproar when they are not harming anyone, not trying to cause any disorder, but are actually trying to help people and be an encouragement.
I grew up with my parents using some of their methods and ideas. I've read several of their books (including Preparing to Be A Help Meet and Created to Be His Help Meet). I have been encouraged and uplifted by their magazine. And although Stephen and I do not use the majority of their advice, their ministry has given hope to thousands of people - parents, singles, married people on the verge of divorce.
They are NOT advocates for child-abuse.
The Pearls actually advocate love. They teach that if you discipline without love, your efforts are for nothing and your children will continue to be unhappy and vying for attention in all the wrong ways. They suggest you to be happy, loving and kind with your kids. This doesn't sound abusive to me.
I know that there are some families that read their material, misinterpret it, use it angrily that make NGJ and their 'normal' - shall we say? - fans seem twisted, sick, mentally disturbed, crazy and anything else you want to add to that list. I've heard it all. I've even been accused of being abused by my parents. Nope. Not at all.
Child-abuse is wrong in every way. It is twisted, sick, and the person who thinks it's okay in any way, shape or form, is mentally disturbed. Children should never have to be subjected to that kind of treatment. The Bible says that "children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is His reward."* ps 127:3 Therefore, we should be loving our children, not hating them. But that doesn't mean never to discipline them, either. They are to be lovingly reproved, and sometimes, spanked - also, in a loving manner. Why? Because we love them and want the best for them!
Proverbs 23:13 says, "Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die." I don't believe this verse is saying to beat your child any time they do wrong. But it is saying not to be afraid to use the rod, when the offense has warranted it.
We do not spank our two year old. She is just a toddler! And although she is an extremely smart toddler, we have learned that she responds well to other methods of discipline. Therefore, spanking would be abusive to her right now. We don't refrain from spanking just because we would rather not deal with it; we refrain because she is still much too young. (And I am aware that the Pearls suggest to spank - or swat the child's hand - at a much younger age. We have had need, on occasion, to swat our daughter's hand but that is as far as it goes at her age. We do not agree with anything past that at this age.) If, however, when she is much older and she has deliberately disobeyed us or done something she knows very well to be wrong, we will not withhold the correction she needs. God will continue to be our guide. He is love, but He is also justice.
The two books I mentioned above, Preparing to Be A Help Meet and Created to Be His Help Meet have been the topic of controversy many times. I read the former when it first came out. I was single at the time and very anxious to be married sometime in the near future. Preparing gave me a hope, a focus. It encouraged me to keep waiting and I would be rewarded for my patience. It taught me to keep learning, instead of putting any learning on hold (as I was so apt to do!) until the next phase of my life "started." When I finally did get married, I read Created again (since skimming through it a few times as a single) and gleaned from it, too! Her description of a "Prophet/Visionary" man nearly fit my guy to a "T"! I was greatly encouraged. It made me so proud of my man and made me want to love him and serve him all the more. In fact, this is probably why some people think that I am such a pushover and let him 'get away with' anything and everything. Not so. We are a team. He is not my king and I am not his servant. He doesn't demand that I have dinner ready when he gets home, and I don't do what he bids even when I don't feel like it or want to. We are both on the same team! When he does something nice for me or compliments me on my looks (or just looks so darn cute ;-) ) it makes me love him all the more and I naturally want to respond with service. Doesn't mean that I am his slave!
(And by the way, submission to one's husband is actually very Biblical. See Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1, just to name a few...)
Of course, as with anything, we don't agree with everything they teach. But I think that will happen with anybody and anything - you take some and you leave some, as the Lord guides you and gives you conviction.
May the Lord alone be glorified and may we seek His face to know what He would have each of us do... after all, His 'methods' are the ones we should strive for anyway!
