Turning the Page

Life has turned another page for me.  I have begun to see things in a totally different light than I was used to.  It started several months ago and has been nothing but a joy ride ever since.

I am not my own.

Instead of comparing myself and my body to others, I am learning that it isn't about what I or anybody else looks like on the outside; it's what is on the inside that is truly very important.

Some of you may be surprised at what you're about to read (that is, if you continue to read on) but it's my life story and it's what God has miraculously done in my life.  I have been living a life that felt like an empty shell.  A casing around what I really yearned for: fulfillment, love, and admiration.

Sure, I grew up in a Christian home with Christian values.  I really thought I received Christ as my personal Savior when I was just 4 years old.  I remember the time and the place very well.  But it never really 'clicked' with me, I guess.  I thought that if I just said enough repentance prayers and did my best to be 'good,' God might let me into heaven when I died.  In a way, I was positively sure that I would go to heaven, but on the other hand, I wasn't.  I was fearful of losing my salvation, if I really was saved.

But you know what?  We cannot possibly do anything good to attain salvation... God thinks of our righteousness as filthy rags*!  How far will that get me?

As a child, I was constantly poked fun about my weight problem.  We didn't know it at the time, but our unhealthy eating caused me to go through puberty at a much earlier age than normal.  I became obese, but thought that it was a hereditary problem.  Throughout my teen years and into adulthood, I thought that true happiness lay in a skinny body and therefore pleasing those who had talked down to me.  So, I began dieting and exercising.

I became obsessed with losing weight.

Then I began learning about the very great danger of becoming obsessed with our bodies.  God was not pleased in the least if I cared more about my body and my looks than I did about serving and loving Him.  But I didn't think so.  I decided that I certainly wasn't obsessed because we are to take care of the temples (bodies) God has given us,* right?

Wrong.

Little did I know that I was obsessed... I was too blinded by Satan's lies to realize it.  If my family commented about certain clothing that just 'didn't look right' on me, I became very defensive and thought that it didn't look good because I needed to lose weight.  I also believed the lie that I couldn't get married because guys thought I was too ugly and fat.

Because of these lies, I was afraid of forming relationships with friends -- afraid of just saying 'hi' to anybody.  I really believed that nobody liked me, so I might as well be locked up in a closet.  But I was so good at hiding my inner self.  I was ashamed of myself.

Then about six months ago, I began to evaluate these lies I had lived with most of my teen and adult years.  I began to seek the Truth from God Himself.  The more I studied, the more I realized that God doesn't care two sticks about how skinny or fat I am!  Wow!  What a great truth!

And to top it all off, Christ died for my sins.  He gave Himself for me.  Me, who felt ugly and depressed and dead inside.

That was reason enough to break out of my shell and shout for joy.  Literally.

No, the lies and temptations have not vanished.  I am still tempted to really restrict myself and lose a ton of weight.  I'm still tempted to sink back into my old depression and become a recluse, but it's not about me any more.  Sure, I make sure that I take care of my body and eat with the mindset that I eat for His glory and not my own, but I am very careful about dieting and exercising.  It is so very easy to slip back into the pack of lies that say, "You really need to lose weight.  Look at so-and-so; they are respected more than you because they are not overweight."

It is then that I must make a conscious effort, stop and pray, "Lord, what is Your truth?  I am Your handmaiden.  Do with me as You will."

It is amazing how powerful the mere act of calling on the Name of Jesus is!

I have Someone to live for because He lives for me.  I have Someone to continually serve, because He continually serves me.  I have Someone to share with others, because He laid down His life for me.

May He continue to mold me and make me after His will.  You, too!

*Isaiah 64:6
*1 Corinthians 3:16

It's A Late Night...

...as I sit here waiting for my poor computer to catch up with what I need it to do.  My siblings are fast asleep around me, and my sweet kitty cat is rubbing her head on my hand.

Tomorrow, Lord-willing, we will be leaving home at 9:00a to head down to Mineral Wells, TX where we've been invited to perform for a Firefighter's Benefit.  It is a blessing, to me, to offer what the Lord has given us for those in need.  I find it such a fulfillment to work in a cause which only brings God the glory.

People say that we're 'so good,' 'so blessed,' 'so talented,' etc. etc.  More than anything else, I pray with sincerity that what they see in us is not an asset to their pocket books or someone to look up to, but that Christ and His angels speak in us and through us.

I heard a pastor on the radio say, "If you had been the only person in the world who needed salvation, He would have come down from heaven and died just for you.  That's how important you are to Him."

How can we so easily forget the sacrifice He made for us? - us?!  It is so easy because we have a great tempter always out to steal our joy, capture our love for the Most High and destroy what He is to us.

I live and breathe for only one.  Not myself.  Not even for you.  I live and breathe by the mercy of my gracious God and King... the One Who died for me, bled for me and was spit upon just for me.  What better way to show Him that I love Him than to offer all that I am, all that I have, and the very life He has given me, back to Him?

After all, in the end, He will bless that innumerably.

Some Much-Needed Encouragement

I really needed to hear this... enjoy and let me know what you thought of it.

"A woman who has truly denied herself, taken up her cross, and become entirely consumed with Jesus Christ is not going to be insecure, starving herself and obsessed with making herself look more attractive.  Rather, she's so enraptured with Jesus Christ that she's completely lost sight of herself...

A woman who has yielded her selfish agenda to the Spirit of Jesus Christ, who does not listen to the voice of her self but yields only to the voice of her King, is not going to become a sex object, throwing herself at guy after guy in desperation.  Her security comes from a completely different source.  She doesn't derive her value from the attention of guys.  Her value comes from knowing she has been redeemed and loved by the King of all kings.  Her focus is on His desires, not on her own selfish wants."

Taken from The Lost Art of True Beauty by Leslie Ludy - emphasis is mine.

Face to Face

When the Lord directed me to go through training to become a counselor at our local pregnancy center, I don't think I knew the depth of that task.  Several months later, when I began sitting in on counseling sessions to learn how to speak with these girls in crisis situations, I worried about what I had gotten myself into.

What I had gotten myself into?  I'm sorry, but that was actually God's doing.

In my mind, I would be in India now living a dream as a godly missionary.  Yet in God's mind, I was here at home serving my family and those girls (some my own age, some much younger than I) at the pregnancy center.

This last week topped it all off.  Now, it was my turn to go in and do the talking with someone watching me.  I kind of freaked out.  I mean, I wasn't sure I was ready for it but the ladies there at the center seemed to think I was.  I quickly texted my family for prayers, sending up some of my own and braced myself.  How would they respond?  What would my answers be?  How could I gain their trust in so little time?  If their pregnancy test was negative, how would I talk to them about abstinence?

"...Take ye no thought how or what thing ye shall answer, or what ye shall say: for the Holy Ghost shall teach you in the same hour what ye ought to say."

The passage in Luke 12 came back to my mind and I took a deep breath.  Jesus Himself was telling me that I shouldn't worry about these things.  In the same hour, the very same moment that I would open my mouth to say something, the Holy Ghost would teach me what I should say.  How amazing is that?!

I would be face to face with women of the world (a life I had little understanding of) and perhaps be sharing the gospel with them -- face to face, up front and personal.  And yet the Lord was encouraging me not to think of what I should say or answer them... He would fill my mouth with His words.

The counseling session went quite smoothly, despite my doubts.  He always does that, doesn't He?  I went in with a smile on my face and greeted the woman by her name.  Before she left, she filled out a small questionairre about my sensitivity to her situation, and I got high marks on all.

But it wasn't me.  It was the Holy Ghost using me.  What a precious place to be.

Should I Move Out?

In this past year alone, I have thought more than once that moving out of my parents' home was an option.  After all, I was an adult and even though I'm unmarried, I would much rather live away from all the problems I seem to encounter.

But as I worked through the problems one by one with my dear parents, the Lord showed me a parallel pattern with marriage.  It is not uncommon these days to see many couples divorce after years of marriage or even a few months.  Did the wife come up against a problem with her man and decide that he could not change so she must leave?  Did the husband not get the honor he deserves and decide to end the agony in his heart by ending his union?  In the same way, I was coming up against a problem and deciding that it was too much to handle; so I should just move out or, in all reality, run away from it.

But is that really the godly thing to do?  God's Word teaches us to persevere, no matter what the cost.  He never said, "If you don't think you can do it, just don't do it."  He did, however, teach us that we cannot possibly fix the problem all on our own.  That's why we have Him!

Lately I have noticed how some of the conservative Christian families are reverting to the modern way of doing things.  Young people - regardless of their convictions or marital status - should get out and become their own person.  They are encouraged to get their own place and maybe even start dating... it is as if their parents are afraid of being accused as being patriarchal or matriarchal.  Of course, the newfangled Patriarchal movement has so many twisted views and doctrines that I definitely do not agree with.

Although the idea of staying home under your parents' roof may sound old-fashioned, it is Biblical.  I realize that there are any number of situations where a girl would be forced to leave her family home.  But if at all possible - don't run away from your troubles.  Take them and run to the Father and ask Him what to do.

I am definitely an independent woman, yet I live with my parents and six siblings.  I seek my parents' advice, but it is I who must make the final decision.  We talk openly together about anything and everything; they are my best friends.  They know me better than anyone else and I truly desire to honor them as my God-given authority for now.  Just as Esther sought the advice of Mordecai, so I desire to seek my parents' advice and any other older, wiser mentors God puts in my path.

Get Ready....

....To order the hot-off-the-press pre-release, Send Me, Lord Jesus for a discounted price! 

It will be released on March 14, 2011 so hurry!  Click here to make your purchase right away.

Don't forget, the discounted price is only available until March 14th -- after that, regular price will be charged.


>>>There's still time to enter for a chance to win a FREE copy.  Just click here to comment.<<<

Tell you friends and get the word out!  This is going to be fun!!

Giveaway of Brand-New Book!

Want to hear all about my experiences in South India?  Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in another culture, another country -- all for the service of the Lord?  

From the author of historical fiction comes a real-life experience complete with pictures and stories of living amongst the heathen.  You will experience the joy of finally accomplishing a dream, the pain of living so far away from a close-knit family, and the many trials that a single young woman had to face regardless of her feelings.

Comment below to enter for your chance to receive Send Me, Lord Jesus and the companion journal, Here I Am, Lord absolutely FREE.

Details about its release will be published here soon!