Test of Faith

"My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me? why art Thou so far from helping me, and from the words of my roaring?"
Psalm 22:1

Have you ever thought that perhaps God did not really forsake David in the Psalm above?  Perhaps, it was David who had not communed with the Lord in such a while that it felt as if the Lord had left him to wallow in his own sad, depraved heart?  I wonder.

Lately, I have come to realize that life is a spiraling event of constant cycles.  -At least, for me it is.

I don't understand why this, why that- who in their right mind would such-and-such.... why so-and-so think such-and-such and why they don't...

Who, what, why, where.

I start begrudging, I start becoming bitter; I am angered that such lies float around!  

And yet, I must learn to just stop, take a long look at the setting sun, take a deep breath, and be thankful for what I have and who I have by my side in this twisted road of life.  For, it is not mine to know so many things, even when I so want to!

God knew that I would be going through this long, long ago.  He knew that my faith would be tested in such a manner.  He knew that I would feel desperately all alone sometimes... but, why would I be put through such a test if He knew of it all along?

Perhaps I have been neglecting Him, of late.  Perhaps my attentions have been robbed, that I needed to be stripped of everything and everyone in my life that I seemed to lean upon too much for the support they couldn't give... did I ever think about that??

How long has it been since I woke to see the sun rising from the beautiful blue night sky, as the birds first start chirping their good-mornings to read His Word in the silence of the dawn?  How long has it been since I found a special little nook in the cool morning landscape, to hide away for awhile just to talk to Him as a Friend- a Support- a Confidante like none other?

I knew it had been too long to remember the last time.  But the baby needed me so very much of late, always wanting to be held or played with, or a bottle fixed or put to nap.  And then what about the laundry, the piling dishes, the stinky bathroom, that heap of clothes on the bed?  Why do I want to sleep in the cool morning hours? -Especially with baby girl by my side?!  What about dinner?  What about those things my honey asked me to do before he got home later that day?  What about even looking presentable for him and not still in my jammies???


The Lord knows all about my life.  He gave it to me.  In fact, it was this very life that I prayed, hoped, yearned, dreamed and cried for so many, many years.  I sat at His feet, then... asking Him so sweetly to give me these desires of my heart.  And now that He gave them to me...... I don't spend even just a few minutes with Him?

How heartless of me.  How shameful!

I will read His Word, I will spend time with Him again.  And not just because I am hurting and need Him badly.  But because I need Him- I need Him like I need air to breathe, like I need water and food to survive.  My soul has been thirsting and hungering for so very long, now, it is destitute and needs the nourishment only He can offer.

Won't you join me in examining your life and seeking to worship the KING of kings, LORD of lords?